Wednesday, January 5, 2011


Ryder Silas Vivas
(Photo courtesy of Lele Bryson)

Aloha from the Garden Island!  

My name is Ryder Silas Vivas, but  you can call me BULA.

If I seem a little shell-shocked, it's only because I just got off the phone with my agent.

The Seahawks have just signed me as their primo field goal kicker commencing the 2032 season!

I got all kinds of signing bonuses.

A full scholarship to AE Kamalii Pre School in Lihue.  

My own million dollar crib, complete with a mini-elevator so I can  play peek-a-boo with my cousins--Dylan, Kalau, and Kaua.  

A lifetime subscription to PLAYPEN magazine.  (And, by the way, yours truly is the centerfold in the August issue this year.  I get to endorse and model my new line of speedo diapers--I call it SPAMPERS!  Made in grownup sizes as well.  eMail me for details.)

A lifetime gig as model and spokesperson for WIC, the agency that has generously provided excellent nutrition for millions of low income women, infants, and children.

And, last but not least, 22.8 million dollars in Geoffrey Bucks, good at any Toys R Us department store.  My homies in the hood are gonna be really happy next Christmas.

I praise God for the good genetics passed on to me by my very athletic parents--Bryson (wrestling, mixed martial arts, motorcycling, surfing, swimming, paddle boarding) and LeLe (cheerleading, running, swimming, bicycling, hula dancing).

But the person I really owe my dynamic quads to is my beloved Jijima--my maternal great-grandmother, Marion Haruko Toguchi Aqui.  

Why?  Because ever since I was about 3 weeks old, she would hold my hands and encourage me to stand on her lap.

She had me do at least a set of ten deep knee bends every single day.

Today, I squat over 500.  Diapers, that is.

Are you looking at my photo?  Do you see the immense size of my kanaka ham hocks?  They're a tribute to my Jijima!

God-willing, that's my ticket to someday being the greatest field goal kicker in NFL history.

It was a kick in the disposable diaper to blog for you today.

This is Ryder Silas Vivas, aka BULA.  

Peace.  Out.

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