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| Dylan and Kalau (Photo courtesy of Erin and Pua) Dad! Mom! HELP ME! Kalau escaped from Mom's tummy! |
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| Dylan Visualizing His Shot 2011 Hoop Season (Photo courtesy of Silas K. Aqui) Uncle Joe, are you watching? Wanna see me make a basket? Okay, this is my fourth attempt. Remember, I am using an official-sized basketball here, not the smaller ball we use for our 5-year-old league. (Dylan, quietly, to himself): Be the ball! Be the ball! Find your way into the net! Remember the secret! See it happen before it happens...and then it happens!) |
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| Uncle Joe and Aunty Rita (Photo courtesy of Ryan) Hello, Aunty Rita! Oh, hi! Is this Dylan? Yes. So good to hear from you. Wait just a second...let me get Uncle Joe on the line, too, okay? Alright. Hi, Dylan! Wow! What a nice surprise! You called just as we finished dinner at the Spaghetti Factory in Lynnwood, Washington. Wish you were here. Aunty Rita and Uncle Joe, the reason I'm calling is to thank you for the nice picture of you that I got in the mail today. Oh, Dylan, you're very welcome. Uncle Joe and I think the world of you. Thanks, Aunty Rita! I have to go to basketball practice soon, but I have two things to say before I go. Sure, Dyl. Go ahead. Aunty Rita, you are as beautiful as ever. Well, thank you, Dylan! So kind of you to say so. And as for you, Uncle Joe... Yes, Dylan? I think you should go into real estate. That's an interesting comment. Why do you say that, Dylan? Because you're doing a great job of developing that forehead. |
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| Dylan Imaikalani Watanabe with His Holstein Friends (Photo courtesy of Kathleen W.) Hi, Friends! I'm here at the world renown Tillamook Cheese Factory in Oregon doing some consultation work as well as general PR for some Hawaiian investment groups. That's my new friends with me in the photo above--Molly No-Moo (a deaf mute at birth, probably the result of fertility drug usage by her Holstein mother) and her hanai aunty, Mama Cass. Basically, the people at Tillamook wanted to know why the cattle at my Wailua Homesteads ranch (adjacent to The Sleeping Giant mountain on the island of Kauai) produce the best-tasting milk in the world. I took a lesson from the Japanese ranchers, I told them. Our Asian friends provide their cattle with generous amounts of beer. It is not unusual to see stud bulls downing a 6-pack of Heineken or Michelob just prior to their wrestling matches with cows. (That's how my mom explained what was happening when I asked her about the strange ritual I saw in the pasture one day.) My dad added that the milk tastes better after a few of those matches...something about that's how Carnation derived its "contented cows" slogan. Hey, I have no reason to question my parents' efforts to educate me. Look how far I've come in just five years! Some Japanese cattlemen also rub sake on their cattle, a kind of meat tenderizing, I suppose. This may explain why Kobe beef is "off the hoof!" (Please forgive me the pun; I just can't help myself sometimes.) Well, being a five-year-old minor, I can't purchase beer. So I thought, and I thought, and I thought again (making sure I had some mac 'n' cheese and chicken tenders--my absolute favorite brain foods!). Eureka! I had my answer! I went to every grocery store on the island--from Haena to Waimea--and bought all the bags of poi I could find. Stopped at Hanalei and negotiated with the local farmers and stockbrokers for the best prices for taro futures. In short, I cornered the market and ticked off not a few Hawaiians. But I promised all that I would give them free samples of Dylan's Range Cattle Milk for their trouble. Following the gargantuan poi purchase, I repeated the process and bought up all the bottles of guava jelly and jam I could find. You may be wondering, and I couldn't blame you for wondering--Why did Dylan do this? So, here's the rub. (Again, I just can't help myself!) If I couldn't feed my cows beer, I'd give them massive amounts of POI followed by gallons of GUAVA JAM and JELLY! I then had my paniolo aikane (Hawaiian cowboy friends) stampede the cattle! Yep! Are you getting the picture in living color now on your 50" Sony screen? That's right! I was essentially mixing up the potent ingredients and making my cattle drunk! Well, in spite of the increase in cow manure the first few months (the cattle needed time to adjust to the new diet and forced running), MY, OH, MY! (as my late compadre and Mariners announcer, Dave Niehaus, would fondly say), my Hawaiian cows began producing the finest, velvety-rich, and memorable milk in the world. So there you have it...another example of the old adage--Necessity is the mother of invention. I learned from my Uncle Joe a long time ago--when I was just 2-1/2 years old and sitting in my sandbox--"Dylan, sometimes when life is being stubborn, why, you just gotta give it a kickstart! You need to think OUTSIDE THE BOX!" I wasn't talking much in those days because I was busy taking in a lot of stimuli around me, but Uncle Joe intuitively understood that when I scratched my right elbow, I was asking, "Uncle, how do I think outside the box?" "Like this, Dylan," he calmly said. With that, he gently picked me up and deposited me outside the sandbox. So, ever since that small kid time, when I'm facing a problem and have mental constipation, I find a box to sit in for a few seconds...and then I promptly leave it and sit outside the box. Whoa! The flood of thoughts that rush my mind is simply incredible! Anyway, I digress... But at least you get the picture and finally know how I, Dylan Imaikalani Watanabe, became the premiere CATTLE BARON OF KAUAI! |
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| Dylan and Uncle Joe (Photo courtesy of Kathleen W.) Dylan, I said SMILE, not SCOWL! I can't help it, Uncle Joe! This world-famous Dylhawk makes me want to stay in character all the time! Dyl, do you think I'd look good with a Dylhawk? Well, Uncle Joe, since you asked... You gotta first have some hair... |
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| Dylan Imaikalani Watanabe Sporting the world-famous Dylhawk (Photo courtesy of Silas K. Aqui) Okay, gangie, I'm back! Gotta tell you...the kids at school think my Dylhawk is the coolest thing. I'm thankful for my liberal-minded parents. They set firm boundaries for me, but they're also really cool about letting me learn important life lessons through actual experience. Anyway, I've been curious for quite some time now as to why the ancient Hawaiian helmets, especially the feathered ones that were used exclusively by the kings and high-ranking chiefs, were crest-shaped. You know, shaped like a rainbow. And then, one day when I was looking in the mirror and debating whether to use gel on my Dylhawk or just go au naturel, it dawned on me how my hairdo had the very same shape.  Eureka! That's it! Those ancient ali'i--my very own ancestors-- were sporting Dylhawks! Wow! How cool is that? So, kids, the lesson in all of this for us is that it's important for us to be true to ourselves, to try things that are new and awesome--as long as those activities aren't hurtful to others or ourselves--and to never stop dreaming! This is your favorite 5-year-old, Dylan Imaikalani Watanabe, signing out for now. And, remember, when you say your prayers tonight, please be sure to include the victims and families of those poor people in Japan who were devastated by the earthquakes and tsunamis. Aloha and mahalo! |
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| Dylan Imaikalani Watanabe Sporting his very own Dylhawk (Photo courtesy of Silas K. Aqui) Okay, so here's the dilemma I was in... I'm traveling to Seattle next week to go see my Uncle Joe, and I desperately needed a haircut. Trouble was, I was between allowances, and I couldn't finagle an advance from Mom and Dad. So I took what I learned from my kindergarten business class and did the next best thing. I NEGOTIATED. Ran down to the barbershop down the street operated by an old school Pake (Chinese) man. You know, the one with the Spanish-sounding name--WAN AH KEE NO (Juan Aquino?). Anyway, the dude was real tough to draw a bargain with, but after an hour of ranting and raving and hearing him gripe about "these kids nowadays!", I finally convinced him to cut my hair. How did I do it? Simple. The price of a child's haircut was $9. I offered him $6 and tipped him with a Bazooka bubble gum. Don't know if it was my determination or the piece of gum, but he went for it. Result? Well, he gave me a 67% haircut. As soon as I can raise three more bucks, I'll go back and get the rest of it done. Then again, this cut's growing on me. |
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| SMILE! (Photo courtesy of Silas K. Aqui) Pua: "Dylan, we found this under your pillow." Dylan: "Aw, Mom!" Pua: "Whatever did you have in mind?" Dylan: "Well...last year, when my tooth broke off and I put it under my pillow, I got $2! I figured that a big fish with hundreds of teeth would just about break the tooth fairy's bank! I mean, I'd just about have that iPad 2 paid up before I even get it!" Pua: "Oh, Dylan!" Dylan: "By the way, Mom, how in the world did you find the fish?" Pua: "The SMELL! Duh, Dylan!" Dylan: (Flashing his award-winning smile.) "Mom, I oughta know by now that I just can't get anything past you. No doubt in my mind where I get my smarts from!" GGMA*: (in background) "Ah, this boy!" *Dylan's great-grandmother, Marion A. |
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| Dylan Having Fun With the Media (Photos courtesy of Silas K. Aqui) Ah-hahahahahahahahaha! You paparazzi crack me up!  You guys have it all backwards! |
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| Dylan Imaikalani Watanabe Facial Imaging Rehearsal (Photo courtesy of Ryan) Hey, you guys! Better get ready! Steve Jobs and the gang at Apple are about to unleash the biggest thing since Aaron Furugen's world-renown Kauai shaved ice! THE iPHONE 5! And guess what? One of its absolutely fantastic features is that it has FACIAL RECOGNITION! That's why I'm not messing around! I am my generation's rubber-faced Jim Carrey--A THOUSAND AND ONE unique faces in my repertoire. So, just in case my iPhone 5 gets lost, I will need to program all 1001 faces into its computer banks. That way, not only will no one else be able to use my phone, but upon its return to me, no matter what face I'm wearing at the time, my phone will have no problem recognizing me. I know...I am one smart little buggah! Aloha until next time! |
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| Dylan Imaikalani Watanabe and Octavius (Photo courtesy of "GGMA" or Great-Grandmother Marion Haruko Aqui) Inspired by Grand-Uncle Charlie's capture of two large octopi (see blog references below*), Dylan Imaikalani Watanabe--on his own initiative and all by himself--set about one morning to find his own octopus. He labored long and hard, but his diligent and patient efforts were finally rewarded when he spied Octavius neatly camouflaged and almost invisible in a chaotic cluster of green sheets, pillows, clothing, and toys. After a long struggle, the determined five-year-old finally overcame the wily eight-legged invertebrate. Dylan was perspiring profusely, but we wiped him dry before the above photo was taken. For the advancement of oceanography studies at the University of Hawaii, Dylan tagged the octopus with important details such as beach location, date of capture, weight of the animal, and what fishing method was employed. Dylan is in strict compliance with the Hawaii statute requiring the release of sea creatures that are undersized. When complimented about his catch and even more so about his faithful adherence to state law, Dylan commented, "Well, actually, Uncle, I was tempted to keep him. The real reason I'm throwing this buggah back is because he's too small to eat!" *(See the following two posts.) |
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| Dylan and Amber With Patient Wishing to Remain Anonymous (Photo courtesy of Ryan) |
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| Ryan and Dylan (Photo courtesy of Ryan) "Ryan, you're cool and everything, and I like that you're hangin' out with me, but let's get one thing perfectly clear." "Yeah? What's that, Dyl?" "I'M Batman!" |
